In My Mind’s Blog

I just want to say that Terri Schiavo’s death today is such an atrocity.  Are you happy now Michael?  I can’t believe that he was left alone with her as she died and he didn’t let Terri’s siblings come in the hospice room as she was dying.  Evil man!!!  And to add insult to injury, Michael plans to cremate her body even though it is against her Roman Catholic background.  It is speculated that he wants to avoid any autopsy reports that might reveal that he has physically abused Terri that might have led to her vegetative state.  Right now the reports say that the reason she became the way she was is because of a potassium imbalance due to an eating disorder…she collapsed and had no oxygen to her brain for 10 minutes.  Hmmm…the fact that she had an eating disorder makes me wonder about the way Michael treated her when she was alive.  Anyway, I still think her death is such an injustice and Michael is just plain EVIL!!!

I have so much love for "Tears for Fears".  I have loved them since I was a teenager in the 80’s.  A lot of people think I’m crazy for being such a die hard.  Let me tell yah, TFF is so different from other pop 80’s bands because unlike the other bands, they still perform and their music has grown along with the times.  Their songs are evangelical to me and the lyrics speak volumes.  Their music has helped me survive through a lot of hurt, anger and frustrations in life…cheap and EXCELLENT therapy for the mind & soul. I was heartbroken when Curt Smith left the band to pursue a solo career.  But Roland Orzabal kept it going and I’m glad he did.  What a musical genius and his voice is so distinct and powerful!  I saw him perform solo in the 90’s and he is one sexy mofo.  When they announced their reunion in September 2004, I’ve been blessed to see them perform at the Pechanga Casino & Resort in Temecula, CA.  The experience was surreal…I felt like I died and went to heaven!!!  aaaaaahhhhhh

I was at the front row and all I saw was Roland singing to me as I sang along (even though my husband was beside me hehe). I’m sure Manny understands my undying passion for Roland - I have a painting that I made of Roland displayed in our rec room.  Manny knows Roland’s name is laminated on my card (you have to be a Friends fanatic to understand).

Anyway, just wanted to share the following website:  www.memoriesfade.com if you are interested in converting into a TFF fan or would like a taste of what I’m talking about. 

Here are some sample phrases from their songs which I think are so poetic, artistic and inspirational:

1) Time is an arrow…you are the bow…shoot it now to seal your own fate

2) Remember you’re an animal not a mineral

3) Advice for the young at heart…soon we will be older…when we gonna make it work?

4) Love is a promise, love is a souvenir…once given, never forgotten…never let it disappear…this could be our last chance…when we gonna make it work?  Working hour is over…we can do anything that we want..anything that we feel like doing.

5) I believe that when the hurting and the pain has gone we will be strong…i believe that if you thought for a moment, took your time, you would not resign yourself, resign yourself to your fate

I just think the lyrics to their songs are so awesome.  You may not like it, but hey I’m just sharing and you don’t have to take it.

My favorite TFF songs are the following:  Shout, The Way You Are, Woman In Chains, Pale Shelter, Ideas as Opiates, Until I Drown, Start of the Breakdown, The Working Hour, Prisoner, oh my gosh just so many to list…

And just to gloat…they’ll be performing again at the Pacific Ampitheatre in July. I’m totally there!!! I just love, love, love them British boyzzz!!! 

I’m bringing a banner this time to profess my undying love for Roland (teeheehee)  I heard he likes to read messages from the audience while performing.  Maybe he’ll blow me a kiss…who knows?  But you bet I’ll be there to catch it.  Yum!!!

After yesterday’s emotional roller coaster, a co-worker enlightened me with a valuable lesson in life….she said that the more I resent or badmouth a person, my actions will not affect the person I’m hating…I’ll be hurting myself instead..It’s like cutting off my nose to spite my face. We’re entitled to vent out a bit but letting go is the key.  Hmmmm.  Gotta remember that coz there’s about one or two people in this world that I don’t mind hating for the rest of my life - Currently, I just try to avoid any situations where I know I have to encounter these fuckers.  One is my ex-brother-in-law and my husband’s Cambodian bitch sis-in-law (both losers and dumbfucks!!!).  Ahhh, now that didn’t hurt.  Badmouthing about those two are one of my many pleasures in life.  A very hard habit to break. 

I also spoke to one of my long lost friends today…talking to my friend brings me back to a time and place where almost everything was positive and happy in my life.  Oh yes….good times!!!

Word of Caution:  I’m sorry if this post offends anybody.  This is just how I’m feeling today…..You know what…I take that back,  this is my blog so I can say what I wanna say.  If you don’t want to read it…see that X on the top right corner of your computer screen…click it.

Sad, sad, sad…I don’t know why I am such a freakin’ idiot.  I have some sort of disorder in the head…I like to pry into other people’s business and find myself caring too much & in the end I’m the one who gets hurt.  I’m listening to Usher’s "You Got it Bad"  and ain’t that the truth!  Mother Fuckin’ Shit!  In times like this, work is good…gotta concentrate on work…have some dance music in the background to uplift my spirit (Lil Kim is playing right now - feelin’ kinda ghetto and wanna slap somebody! aaaaarggggh!!!!) 

You know what’s also upsetting me is that Terri Schiavo case.  Here’s my thoughts….Michael Schiavo is the fuckin’ devil!!! Barbaric son-of-a-bitch!!!  If you don’t want to take care of Terri, fuckin’ divorce her and hand her over to the people that care for her (like her parents) to deal with her care.  Don’t fuckin’ starve her to death!!!  You just want to get to the remaining $50,000 of her $700,000 trust fund as quickly as possible!!! Selfish dickwad!!! And you already got your $300,000 and is still getting financial support from Christian charities. And the fucker even has another woman on the side with children… Oh and bless his fuckin heart for letting her accept communion yesterday….. This case upsets me because how would you like it if you were Terri’s parents and you see your child purposedly being starved to death?  Where is America’s justice system heading?  So, will this case affect the care of mentally disabled people in the future? Since they can’t take care of themselves, we’ll just have to let them starve to death and that would be legal?  I told my husband yesterday that if ever I was in a vegetative state on life support - unplug me after 2 weeks.  If I’m still alive after life support and I needed feeding tubes, if he doesn’t want to take care of me…fuckin divorce me and hand me over to my family.  What has ever happened to that marriage vow…for better or for worse?  Ayayay!  You know a lot of US couples are talking about this issue.  Maybe before you sign a marriage certificate there should be agreements made about life support, feeding tubes, starve me to death, etc.   Just my opinion.

What the fuck man, I went to exercise during my breaktime and the exercise trainers had the stereo on sappy 80’s songs….not good when you’re trying to release toxins out of your system.  They played…Always Something There to Remind Me, Tainted Love, Missing You, bleechhh!!!  How about "I Hate Everything About You", "Breaking the Habit", "Numb", "Disorder", I need KROQ shit right now.  AAARGGGHH!!!

Haven’t you noticed, I’m really pissed off today.  >:<

My theme song for this weekend is that groove song, "If Only I Can Get Through This".  I don’t know who sang the song, but man o man that song is driving me nuts.  Instead of a relaxing weekend I feel so anxious and sad.  Another day in the island of Pegi-Pegi….This blog thing is supposed to be a confessional of some sort but I think I’ll keep this one feeling to myself.  Even if I try to realise it, it would never work out and I’ll be back to square one. 

To ease my mind, I saw my sis and her boys.  We went to Easter mass and I had time to pray solemnly.  It kept my mind at ease.  I think that’s one of the things I like about Catholic masses…I enjoy its subdued nature.  I went to one of those loud christian services before and I’m sorry I couldn’t concentrate, let alone pray.  I was so distracted with the circus that was going on around me.

Man, I could honestly say that today is the 1st time I’m looking forward to a day at work tomorrow (Monday of all days!)  I hope I get a good night’s sleep.

Have you ever wondered why you still do not feel complete even if things are going your way?  I appreciate everything that I have and I know a desperate few would want to trade lives with me…but is there such a thing as feeling whole or complete? There are ideas in my head that sometimes I feel selfish about and if I act on it would hurt many people’s feelings and lives.  I guess part of being human is self-control.  Love plays a big part in our lives and because of it I feel we have restraint.  The restraint to control our savage urges in order to not hurt the ones we love. Rawrrr!!!

Saw my long, lost friend Shirley Poblete-Graham today.  It was such a nice meeting!  She drove to my work so that we can go out to lunch together and catch-up with each other’s lives.  God, how much I missed her!  She’s one of my friends from highschool that I could talk to about anything.  She’s still lovely as ever and such a kind-hearted person.  I wish her only the best as she starts her new life in SoCal with her family from Kansas.

Talked to a friend today and I realized how much I long for having my own children.  I think about why God has not given my husband and I a chance to go through a normal pregnancy.  After we got married in November of 2001, I got pregnant right away but had a miscarriage in February 2002.  Both my husband and I were so devastated and I cried for days.  My baby showed no signs of a heartbeat so the doctors had to do a D&C procedure on me.  We waited another year and got pregnant again in December of 2003.  Unfortunately, I had another miscarriage in late January of 2004.  I still mourn for the babies I lost and I feel verklempt whenever I see my peers with their children.  I’m very happy for my friends, but I try to hide the tears and I always wonder when will it be our turn?  I honestly hurt, but I know God has blessed me & my husband with other things in our lifetime.  I am confident that He will send us our little bundle when the time is right.

*the image is a Frida Kahlo painting called Henry Ford Hospital, 1932 - this painting describes my pain.

I just love the movie "Napoleon Dynamite".  It reminds me of junior high in the 80’s.  It’s the after-effect that drives me wild.  Fuckin’ insane & hilarious!  I ordered a Liger shirt on ebay about 2 wks ago and I just got it today.  Oh happy, happy, joy, joy!  I’m going to wear it when I have a Napoleon Dynamite movie night at my home.  Not a lot of my friends have seen the movie (losers!  j/k hehehe)….so I’m planning to wear my Liger shirt during movie night.  Just for your information:  the liger is Napoleon’s favorite animal.  It’s like a lion and tiger mixed and is known for its skills in magic.  Duh!  Here’s the official website of the movie so you can view sample scenes:  http://www2.foxsearchlight.com/napoleondynamite/

On Sunday, March 20th, 2005 a day of sweet reunions occured.  I met up with Jasmin Tecson, Aleli Linis and Susan Olano-Esquivel at Sweet Divas Cottage Bistro for brunch.  I have to say it was a very fun day reminiscing with the ladies.  Everyone was cheerful and anyone who wasn’t there was fair game for us to talk about (hehe).  After 20 years, the MCS batchmates are still looking good.  Just look at our pic.  We hope to meet up at least once a month to keep in touch and do fun stuff together.  I felt renewed catching-up with my long lost sisters.

I also visited my best friend Bambi.  Along with her parents we went for a late/early lunch/dinner at Salo-Salo restaurant in Cerritos.  Gawd…was I full!  Bambi and I decided to go window shopping afterwards to walk off some of the blubber.

At 5pm I got a phone call from Sam my cousin.  She was inviting me and Bambi to join her to go to Universal City Walk for dinner.  Sam’s 13 yr old half sister, Giann was in town from Vegas due to a cheerleading competition and we were to meet up with her.  So off we went to Universal City and again did some grubbing.  Geesh, no wonder I’m so voluptuous (haha! - I’m trying to get the negative use of the word "fat" in my vocabulary).  We went to Gladstone’s and I just couldn’t finish my plate.  Allelujah!

Got home at 11pm, the husband was fast asleep in bed.  Poor thing ….but he has no idea of how much I love him for letting me spend time with the ladies in my life.