In My Mind’s Blog

I was reading my Dr. Laura book called "Woman Power" last night and I realized how damn lucky my husband is.  Jeez!  He should be grateful that unlike other women I make sure that he looks his best whenever he or we go out.  He’s already a good dresser but I double check to make sure that he’s lookin’ hot (well to my aesthetic standards ofcourse).  So what if other women are checking him out…i’m not bothered because i know he loves me and that at the end of the day he goes home with me.  I’ve heard stories about women transforming their sexy husbands into globs of mush for their own selfish intentions.  Where’s the love girls?  I mean if you don’t make each other feel sexy or look sexy…where’s that gonna lead?  Unattraction….right?  Also, helping each other out to feel and look good is some sort of bonding among couples.  It makes you feel that your partner cares about you and that you can grow old gracefully together.  Sigh!

Why???  I don’t understand this trend.  I’m a daily Friendster visitor and I see photos of girls displaying their ass cracks with tattoos designed on the small of their backs as their profile pics.  First of all, are their boyfriends that bored that they need to place a design by their cracks when they have to be in the doggie style position?  2nd, why put a tattoo where you don’t see it - what is the point?  Do you put a mirror infront of your ass every morning and do a daily affirmation?  3rd, tattoos are permanent and it fades through time…it’ll look disgusting once your ass loses its elasticity and when you grow a spare tire around your mid-section.  Think people, think!!!

Man, I just love that song from Damien Rice called "Blower’s Daughter".  It’s the theme song of the movie "Closer".  The first time I saw the movie, I was disgusted with it.  But after watching it, I realized how pretty clever the plot was…and the characters were so brutally honest with each other. I saw Love being used by the characters as an excuse to betray and act hurtful in order to be with the people they want to be closer to - hence the movie title.

I don’t know if I could ever be that brutal…I don’t think I have the guts.  You know what?  I take that back, I have been that way in the past.  I was so in love I became irrational - I did anything possible to be with the person I thought I loved without realizing I was hurting others.  Only when I found out that the person I was in love with was in love with someone else did I realize how stupid I was acting and I was going to end up alone…literally alone because I would have lost the love and support of the ones that truly cared and loved me.  I guess I’ve pondered about this on my blog entry called "The Void in Our Hearts"…but in there I said that Love could be used as restraint in order to not hurt the ones we love.  In either case, if you’re contemplating about the worthiness of LOVE in a relationship, I feel that you have to take this thought into the equation….it’s better to be alone than to be lonely and unhappy.  Jeez, this is sounding like a Whitney Houston song and that my friends is another topic to be discussed in a future blog. 

Hmmmm….Charles and Camilla got married today.  Good for them! ‘Coz at least Charles gets to marry the woman he really wanted to be with even if it took both of them 1 marriage each, 2 sons, 2 divorces and 1 death in a span of 35 years.  I know a lot of Brits hate Camilla but we’re talking true love here people!  How many can say that they have married the love of their life in this lifetime, huh? Charles and Camilla are just being true to themselves and you should give them credit for that.

Today was another day on the emotional roller coaster.  Tears rolled like thunder…like droplets in the rain.  Guilt had a lot to do with it and I’ve carried it for so long…I didn’t realize until I had to tell a friend today.  The burden is quite heavy and I feel I need to lay it to rest…when?…soon I hope. 

The Pope’s funeral was today and I ended the day viewing the replay telecast of his last journey in this world.  I was sobbing like a basketcase.  It felt like when I lost my niece last year.  Very shocking and I still hurt till today.  I still think about her. Funny, I could still hear her giggly laugh.  I felt her presence earlier and I know she thinks Auntie Yvonne looks funny crying…hehe…but she knows I think of her often and hold her dear to my heart even if she’s no longer with us. I love you Bianca dearest.

I am sobbing while I write this post.  I am deeply devastated with Pope John Paul II’s passing (Saturday, April 2, 2005, Vatican City, Rome, Italy at 9:37pm, age 84).  Words cannot describe my love for the man.  I am not a devote Catholic, I even think that I should’ve been ex-communicated a long time ago, but I admire John Paul II because he had the courage to stand up for what the Catholic faith was all about and he toured the world so that he could spread the truth he believed in.  Although he knew he would face a lot of criticism and unacceptance, he still did his thing and I applaud him for his determination and perseverance to make this world a kinder place to live in.  I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to have seen him when I was in grade school, back in the Philipppines when he came to visit the country.    He will forever live in my heart.  I love you Pope John Paul II !!!  May you rest in peace, our dear sweet Pope.