In My Mind’s Blog

Today I heard the most sweetest thing my ears could hear that I cried. That’s all.

I have been blessed with a loving man.  Although I bitch and groan about him plenty of times, he has shown me what it is to be loved unconditionally.  He thinks about my well-being a lot and I often take it for granted thinking that he’s just an obstacle along the way.  But when I realize the reasons for his actions, it often involves protecting me and I don’t see it at first…but it’s there, I just need to see it from another angle.  I have always told Manny my desire to just be a housewife and stay at home if ever we have a kid.  But I know we can’t afford it especially if I wanted to live a lifestyle that was comfortable for all of us.  He proposed to me today that we sell the house and live in Victorville, an hour away from where we currently live.  With the equity we get from our current home, we can easily buy a home in Victorville that would be paid off easily and I don’t have to work.  It was such a great idea and such a loving gesture.  I told him it was very kind and thoughtful of him, but to live far away from loved ones would be too harsh for both of us.   All I know is that my well-being was considered today and I am very grateful for that.

I don’t know why I’m feeling so sad today. All I could think about is getting away from it all. I know it sounds selfish but sometimes I have this urge to just go somewhere and start fresh. Wishful thinking, I know…hehe. I was telling Manny how about we sell our home and just move somewhere far (like England) and just have a new beginning. I guess I’m feeling this way because of my trip…after that trip, I feel like I wanna see more of the world. Work is getting boring and I have to convince myself that I have it good and just do whatever I could to finish my schooling (since it’s free) and then use up my maternity leave if ever Manny and I are pregnant. I also feel that I haven’t lived up to my full potential…I know I’m not stupid and I know I could have a better career than what I have right now but I guess it’s because I wanted to live the life I was living before my trip. Man, isn’t it amazing that things we want in life change just like that? I was looking at Mileage Rewards Program Credit Cards today and even applied for one hehe. God knows where my heart is and I’ll just trust in Him wherever He takes me. I just hope I’ll be ready to accept it, I’ll be happy and that it will be the best thing for me and my family.

I just came back from my Eurotrip last Friday and I am so not feeling going to work tomorrow (Man, I even took today off so that I could recover).  I’m missing Europe…sigh!  I wish I could just travel and go in a whim.  I’ve been seriously contemplating about being a Museum Conservationist after the trip.  I could only imagine being assigned to inspect & make recommendations for rare art pieces in foreign museums and just be able to pack up and go see the world after work.  What a life that must be.  I took a museum conservation class before and my instructor was a conservationist and he said I need to have an anthropology degree and having an art background would be a plus.  I spoke to Manny about it and he’s supportive about the idea…my only problem now is having the initiative to go through classes and be focused about it.  We’ll see…I need to tell myself that it’s never too late to try new things.