In My Mind’s Blog

I finally submitted an application to a different school district this week near my home.  If I get offered the job I told myself that it will be my signal to let go of my current job.  I know I’m being too sensitive about what transpired between me and my boss but I guess I’m just too tired of the whole thing already.  I’ve been commuting for almost 5 years now (that’s about 3 hours per work day) and it’s taking a toll on me. I could use that time for more sleep and exercise.  All the train/bus buddies I have are slowly retiring one by one (yes, they’re all old but I love them).  If I stayed I know my job will keep on changing just as long as the Queen Bee (FAS - Fat Ass Secretary) is there.  I don’t hate change but if you keep changing my responsibilities every fuckin year it gets to me you know.  I’m not at the bottom of the totem pole at work but it seems like I get dumped with whatever Queen Bee sees fit.  It’s unfair when I know that there are employees at the University where I work that have worked for 30 + years and their jobs/responsibilities have never changed.  Mine just keeps getting complicated as the years go by and when I finally manage to get the hang of things that’s when Queen Bee changes everything so that it benefits her.  She says that it’ll benefit me too but I don’t see it…I just see more work and responsibilities.  Also, because my boss thinks I have such an attitude…she also expressed that the other Chair and coworkers thinks so too(she was really tacky telling me this - I know because I took Business Management and you just don’t handle people the way she handled me) then why should I feel comfortable working in a place where people are uneasy with me?  I know when she told me this, it was her way of hitting below the belt just because I wasn’t giving in to what she was proposing …it was very insensitive, untrue and I just lost all respect for her.  She’s also frustrated and hates her job but you don’t go around making others feel inferior especially your support staff.  She stopped by my office the other day to offer me a compliment of how smart I was dressed.  Whatever!  I was cordial but I wasn’t going to chitchat.  Queen Bee said that we will have to all sit down and talk again about how the responsibilities are going to change.  So I’m just preparing my game face for the re-structuring meeting.  I’ll need to watch Celebrity Poker so that I don’t show how disgusted I am with the whole thing.  Let the countdown begin!

Ok, what else could possibly go wrong for me this month besides losing tons of hair (due to post pregnancy), my house attacked by the neighborhood pranksters, my tote bag getting stolen at work, the hot as hell weather in the I.E., and my boss adding more to my plate because she feels that I have lots of free time.  What the?  Dang, is this for real?  And I was even thinking that this is my year…The Year of the Dog!  Maybe it means that it’s going to be a bitchy year…not bitchen. 

So my boss thinks I hate her now, which I do.  She sends me this stupid email about life not being fair…like I give a shit when you already gave me shit.  In her email she says she hopes I’m doing ok.  Whatever!  Get this…she asks for a suggestion…I tell her what I think and she says I’m trying to argue with her…and then finally, she tells me that it’s been decided by the Dean that I get the job because I have too much time in my hands - I say WHAT????  Oh, that really peeved me so much…it seems like what I’ve done for the office all these years didn’t matter at all.  In the first place, why the fuck did she even ask for my opinion when it wouldn’t have mattered anyway?  Did she think that was the diplomatic thing to do.  Anyway, I’m tired of being the pee-on.  Hell, last year they made me move out of my office and now this?  How do they expect me to work in that kind of an environment?

I swear if I had a gun in my hand anything that would bug me would make me blow my head off.  But I just think about Lucas and how much he needs me right now and that’s what’s keeping me from giving up.

Anyway, I now officially hate my job and my boss.  So don’t be surprised if one of these days when I email you from work I’ll have a new email address.  Good nite!

Dang!  I am so in need of sleep yet I have so many things I need to do and take care of. My cousin’s wedding is next weekend and did I ever exercise to lose the pregnancy weight as I planned after delivering Lucas?  Geezus no!  I am just glad that we got my matron of honor dress out of the way and it fits just right (after 2 fittings - they had to take it in but not as much as I wanted to).  Now if I can only maintain my size until next weekend.  I am so tired to be sad about myself.  I had my photo for my staff ID card taken yesterday and I swear it is the worst picture ever taken of me.  I look so exasperated and should I dare say…OLD!  Aaaaaggghhh!!!  Maybe I should look upto Kirstie Allie and join Jenny Craig but that’s too expensive and I might hate the food.  Weight Watchers at Work helped me a long time ago and maybe I should try them again when they start their meetings in August.  Anyway, I know I’m being hard on myself…but I know that I’m just not in that mindset right now where I really want to lose weight.  My goal is not to be toothpick skinny, but I hope I do get out of this rut and soon get back to my healthy weight/size, and when I do I will burn my staff ID card and have my picture re-taken hehehe.